Letting what you give be good enough.

I have to start this post by stating that I am exhausted tonight. Nothing about today felt humorous or super enlightening. Today was just one of those days without enough hours. It's hard on days like these to be satisfied with what you gave. I began beating myself up mentally about an hour ago about not accomplishing everything I should have today, but I was able to stop my running brain, slow down, and be proud of what I did do.

What I am proud of today is that I conquered the mountain of excuses I have built for myself, stopped everything I was doing and I went for a good run. I have always been one of those people that sort of thinks that if God meant for us to run he would have given us four legs and a spine parallel to the ground. I also silently judge (i.e. die of jealousy) my beautiful friends that run everyday like it's a sport. Oh, it is a sport. Shit. I hate running for a number of reasons, mostly because I'm awful at it, but the real reason I let myself get out of it daily is that I really loathe the pain of a bouncing bladder and I am terrified of getting miles from home with nowhere to pee. One of the joys of IC is that you always feel like your bladder is going to explode. About a month ago I had to sprint into the bathroom of the local grocery store that is, I kid you not, less than 500 yards from my house. I only made it three minutes into my run without feeling like I might burst. As soon as I got another 500 yards, it hit again and I had to turn around. Guess I should have known right then that something in the milk wasn't clean, huh? So, I have given myself a legitimate excuse not to run, jump or do anything that makes me want to pee. I have let myself become apathetic, docile and totally miserable with my cottage-cheese ass. So today after realizing I could balance my computer on my super toned buddha belly, I got my head in the right space and I ran as far as I could before the "Oh shit, get me to a bathroom!" set in. To my surprise I made it a mile without stopping, and better yet I made it the mile back home without hauling ass into the grocery store. I even took Roux for a walk afterward. To most people that's nothing, but for me it's big. So today, I am accepting that short workout as a job well done. Tomorrow I will try again, and that is all I can ask from myself.

Never being satisfied with what you accomplish is a dangerous path to walk down, and chances are you will end up on that path alone, because it is exhausting being around someone who is never satisfied. All too often I let myself fall into that trap, beating myself up for not being on top of my game all the time, or not rising to the occasions I should have. Let's be honest, most of the time we are hard on ourselves because we are afraid of facing the disappointment of others. But come on, no one is on top of their game all the time and more often than not we are going to fall short of our own expectations and those of everyone else. Enter, Miami Heat. All I can really do is try not to give less than my best effort, and be satisfied with what that is, and be proud of what I've got.