My apologies again for such time between posts. I know you guys are just waiting for each new post like it's Santa that's coming! At least the reason for my absence is a good one; my sister is in town and we have been having so much fun, I haven't had time to write, (or anything to complain about enough to try to find the positive in the negative). I find that I am inspired to write when something goes wrong in my life, and then when I am able to put it in perspective I feel like that is worth sharing.
Tonight I sat in physics class (the least favorite part of my week) feeling mutinous against my professor. A problem has come up with the online homework interface we use and instead of doing her part and finding out how to fix it, her response to me was that I should contact the company and let her know what they say. Sure, no problem, there is nothing I love more than paying a small fortune for a class to do your job, and I have bundles of free time! So, yeah, I felt a touch bitter and that quickly escalated into fear and panic that I will fail this class due to unfair grading and a giant conspiracy to ruin my future as a physician (insert a seriously overdramatic damsel in distress moment here).
I decided to take a deep breath, face the inevitable and log on to our class website to check my grades. At this point I am still planning my impassioned speech to the dean about the unfairness of this class. I give really good principled speeches in my head. To my great surprise the test that I thought would ruin me has magically turned into a 95 due to a seriously generous curve. As I came down from my damsel's tower, (and off my soap box in the dean's office) I started to feel a little bit ashamed of my overreaction. I just let myself get so bent out of shape over something that is not that big of a deal. Even if I get a few bad homework grades and my frustration continues, chances are things will all even out. Physics probably won't kill me. Probably.
The more I overreact, the more I have noticed a bit of a trend going on in my life that can be summed up as, everything comes out in the wash. What I mean is that eventually, everything tends to even out. Whether it's class, work, housework, family, life in general, the good things and the bad things at least attempt to cancel each other out. As a science student you would think I would have noticed the correlation between chemical systems' tendency to maintain equilibrium and life's tendency to give us some semblance of balance. That's not to say that often it feels as though life has delivered more than we can handle, but is it possible that maybe we could handle it all a little better if we reminded ourselves that we can?
I tend to spiral into panic when things are out of my control, as those who love me know all too well, especially when the situation is particularly unfair. Whoever said that life isn't fair was right, but that doesn't mean I like it. I forget in these moments to stop and remember that, as my mom says, nothing is forever. Maybe things won't be fair or get better tomorrow, but I truly believe that the universe doesn't allow us to suffer or spiral or strain forever. Eventually something or someone will show up on the scene to restore equilibrium. The key is to get our heads out of our asses long enough to see what's arrived. You can't ever see the light at the end of the tunnel if you are facing the wall, and don't I know it. I think I've spent the better part of my life staring at that wall, as if some sort of life coach hieroglyphs are going to appear. It usually takes someone like my mom or J to yell at me from the end of the tunnel, to make a change.
This is easier said than done to those out there who are really hurting, really feeling overwhelmed by their current situations. I've been there; I'm practically paying rent there, and trust me, trying to convince yourself at that moment to believe the lyrics of an Annie song is next to impossible. But if nothing else, when I've stopped sobbing pathetically and I let myself be reminded that nothing is forever, it feels better to believe that maybe tomorrow things will even out, and maybe even surprise me with greatness.
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